| I have a new LJ for anyone that cares to know. I'm going to use both, but I think that this one is going to be more of a private journal and the other not so much.
bonnie_jean
Yeah, that's about it. Perhaps a real update later. | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment   |
| I talked to Maddy online tonight. I really miss Maddy. She makes me happy. Remember when we decided that we were soulmates Maddy? I do. And I really think that we are. But, yes. Maddy makes me endlessly happy, as she should everyone.
This is going to be a short short update.
Hung out with Ryan and Andrew all day. They crack me the fuck up. I love them. More about how they crack me up some other time.
Dennis and I are going to throw a big all day festival type thing. It will be awesome. Comparable to Waynestock. Yeah, that's right. And maybe Lightfoot could come and be an extra. Ha. That would be great. More about that at a later date as well.
Carl, if you happen to read this. Sorry that I didn't call you today. Hope you didn't get peirced without me there. That would be a tragedy. A tragedy of Greek proportions (sp?).
Well, off to go listen to some fantastic Dennis created music. | | comments: 4 comments or Leave a comment |
| So this morning. Well, late afternoon now, Dennis and I were asleep on the couch. (The couch is in the shape of an "L" and we laying with our head together where the two parts of the couch meet.) So his head is resting on mine I guess. And out of nowhere he sort of jumps up and knocks his head really hard against mine. I said ouch and he says, "Sorry, I was going too fast. So I jumped." I don't know I just found it really randomly funny. So I giggled a bit and then went back to sleep.
Kill Bill vol. 2 was awesome!
I have a new love for Uma Thurman. She's amazing. I love her.
Hmmm...what else did I do yesterday. It seemed like quite an uneventful day.
I was very sad that Dylan didn't come to Andiamo Thursday. I'm really starting to question my love of the boy.
Pete didn't come to Andiamo either. Dennis was sad about that. It was just a sad situation all around.
It was a bit funny though. Because no one (that I was with) seemed to be having all that much fun. (Perhaps because Josh McConnell was there. And Pete wasn't there. Who knows though really.) But the older guy that can't really sing, but I love him to death. He was playing, and everyone (myself included) were just sitting around looking rather glum. And then the guy that was playing played Behind Bars by Elliott Smith. I've never seen myself, nor Dennis cheer up so fast. It was great.
I got my notebook back from the Magik the Gathering guys last night. That was fantastic.
Josh McConnell masterbated sort of in front of me. It was weird.
You see, a long time ago. In a galaxy far far away. Josh said that he would masterbate in front of me. And he promised that he would do this. Well, the time rolls around for him to do it and he backs out. And I had expected this. So, much like my fasination with seeing a guy pee with a hard on, I just wanted to see if he would do it and he did promise. So, I've been trying to convince him to do it for a while now. And the other day when we were fighting, he said that he loved me. I told him that if he really loved me that he would prove it by masterbating in front of me. Full well thinking that he was going to be a chicken shit and not do it. Well, he did it. And it was creepy. But guess he does really love me.
Or he doesn't really have anyone to hang out with. So he has to love me. Whatever.
What makes a good ending? Is a good ending when everything gets resolved. Or when it's more of an open ending. Or when absolutely nothing gets resolved and everything is just left out there.
I think that a completely open ending is the best. Granted, it can leave you with a sense of emptiness. But, it also gives you this hope. A hope that everything will work out for the best and that things will keep going on. That's what I think.
This all came from watching Lovely and Amazing last night.
Dennis cracks me up when he's drunk. I think that I'm going to start videotaping his drunken ramblings.
I got my sunglasses back from Jesse McVay. That made me very happy.
I need to get my ticket for The Unseen. I also need to call Maddy and apologize. I'm sorry Maddy! I didn't wake up until 4:00.
Alright, Rock N'Roll. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | Elliott Smith | | Subject: | life goes on... | | Time: | 02:40 am | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/bitospud/courier/black/anxious.gif) frustrated |
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| la la la life goes on...
The Beatles were great. Were they not? Well, I love them.
I think that life goes on should be my new motto. Fuck Josh Hampton is a very good motto though, eh Morgan?
Well, I've tried to update a few times now and have been unsuccessful. You'll have that though.
Nothing of note has really happened lately.
Dennis and I had another one of our lovely coffee drinking sessions. It was fantastic. He is a very sweet boy, no matter what Josh McConnell might think.
One question that came from our talk... Which is worse (when your in a serious relationship) a one night stand or a full blown affair. Most I've asked say an affair. It's really hard to say though I think. There are fair arguments to each side.
A side question was... If there was no way that your lover would ever find out, would you tell that you cheated? And why should you or shouldn't you?
Ponder this.
It's very interesting to think about. I also think that you can tell a lot about a persons way of thinking by the way that they answer.
I don't know what to do about Josh. It's very frustrating.
Sometimes I want things to just go back to the way that they were. I think I would only want that for the security that I felt with Josh. Because when I truely sit down and think about it, I'm much happier without him. For the most part. BUT sometimes I do miss him. Even though I don't want to. At the same time, things that I used to enjoy about him just bug the shit out of me now.
I also feel bad, because I'm nice to him for the most part. And I don't think that I should lead him to think that I might want to be good friends again, when I really have no intention of that at all.
Another thing that I feel bad about is, the fact that he told me he wants things to just go back to the way that they were. All that I really think about that is you can't, well I can't, consiencely make a choice about something like that. You just have to let things happen as they will. And I told Josh this.
AND I'm not sure if he's just telling me that he wants things to go back to the way that they were because he doesn't really have anyone to hang out with all of the time.
So almost everything with Josh just goes back to a trust issue. I can't really whole heartedly trust ANYTHING that Josh says to me. Or says to anyone else. And you can't be truely close to someone if you can't trust them. At least that's what I think.
ARRGH! I hate Josh McConnell.
But I do love Dylan!
It made me very happy that Dylan was online tonight. It made me day! And we are going to watch A Clockwork Orange together sometime this week. YEY!
Easter didn't seem like Easter. Not that I've ever really celebrated Easter in the religious sense, but it didn't seem like the kind of Easter that I normally have. Everyone in my family seemed to be sick. It was kind of a bummer. I was looking forward to playing games and frolicking about. But alas, twas not the case.
My father is really actually quite an interesting person. You see I've realized this time and again before. But, the other day I realized it yet again. A few days ago my dad woke me up early and told me to go get a job more or less. And not to sleep until 12 or 1. Which is understandable I guess. So anyway, he called throughout the day to see if I was awake. And once when he called I was at Elizabeth's, I told him this. When I did he asked if I went over there to go back to sleep. I said no, and he said, are you sure you didn't go over there "to sleep, perchance to dream" and continued to quote Hamlet. How fucking cool is that. I thought that it was great. I wish that I would quote Shakespeare more often. I thought that it was cool as hell, but that's just me.
I really want to do a survey, but I think that I'm going to go to sleep. Perchance to dream...
I wish that I could remember my dreams more often. Damn sleep apniea (sp?)
Nick drew this really cool thing on my arm tonight. I need to take a picture of it before I wash it off. I also need to take pictures of Dennis playing guitar. So many things that I need to do.
I also need to call Ryan Bailey. I hope that he will come with me tomorrow to apply for jobs. That would make me happy.
It would also make me happy if I could get my gosh darn notebook back *gosh darn! Dennis would be so proud!* I left it at Perkins yesterday and Patti gave it to the magik the gathering guys. They told me that they would give it back (I saw them at Denny's tonight) but they said that they won't be at Perkins or Denny's until Friday. My song is in there! Damn Patti, she's such a piece of shit. Too bad that I love her so much.
Well, I don't have anything else even half way interesting to talk about so I'm done. | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| Here's a tribute to Ani DiFranco and Sarah. They both rock! Sarah did this song last night. It one of my favorite Ani DiFranco songs.
fire door
i opened the fire door
to four lips
none of which were mine
kissing
tightened my belt around my hips
where your hands were missing
and stepped out into the cold
collar high
under the slate gray sky
the air was smoking and the streets were dry
and i wasn't joking when i said
good bye
there were magazine quality men talking on the corner
french, no less much less of them then us
so why do i feel like something's been rearranged?
you know, taken out of context i must seem so strange
killed a cockroach so big
it left a puddle of pus on the wall
when you and i are lying in bed
you don't seem so tall
i'm singing now because my tear ducts are too tired
and my mind is disconnected but my heart is wired
i make such a good statistic
someone should study me now
somebody's got to be interested in how i feel
just 'cause i'm here
and i'm real
oh, how i miss
substituting the conclusion to confrontation with a kiss
and oh, how i miss
walking up to the edge and jumping in
like i could feel the future on your skin
i opened the fire door
to four lips
none of which were mine
kissing
i opened the fire door | | comments: Leave a comment |
| Here was a survey to see what level of hell I would be sent to...
Purgatory - Repenting Believers Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo Virtuous Non-Believers Very Low
Level 2 - Lustful Very High
Level 3 - Gluttonous High
Level 4 - Prodigal and Avaricious Moderate
Level 5 - Wrathful and Gloomy Very High
Level 6 - The City of Dis Heretics High
Level 7 - Violent Very High
Level 8 - the Malebolge Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers Very High
Level 9 - Cocytus Treacherous Very High | | comments: Leave a comment |
| This is from Regan and Morgan on Re-Bonding Day...(well, a few hours after...but yes...)
Mkkk...So Regan...how was our day?
Well Morgan, I thought that it was quite fantastic. You finally got to meet Dennis! What did you think of it?
Well Miss Regan...I enjoyed it very much...hes a very nice boy--cute, he can play the guitar (!!!), he knows Alkaline (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) and he can wrestle...did you enjoy our t-shirt making today? Although the 'L' fell off and the T is crazy?
Yeah Dennis can play the guitar like a motherfucking riot...And the t-shirt making was a lot of fun. I kind of like the crazy T. Did you like how Josh Hampton stalked us?? How did he get behind us?
I too asked myself this question..it was rather amusing how we went down to his room, stole...things (condoms)...and he followed us...how creepy. And when he went through the clothes racks and hunched down all creepy like. Hes kind of a freak. But I love him...so its ok. Did you like our hardcore rocking out to Jet tonight? I think we might be the trendiest of trendsetters...
We just might be... Hampton did crack me up quite a bit today though. The hiding in the clothes racks was super sillytastic. It was nice to see Mr. Andrew Denton, was it not?
Oh yes it was...he looked so fancy. It was especially funny when he was throwing water balloons at your car as he was driving in front of us. I do miss Mr. Andrew W. Denton. Hes so...red-headed.
He is quite red-headed. Do you know who else is quite red-headed??
Hmmmmm...could it be...? Dennis????? YES!!! I got it! Do I win money?
No, you just win a special place in my heart.
Dude thats bullshit.
Continue.
Yeah so I really can't think of what else that we did today. Wings is the greatest show ever eh?
I concur. Lets go watch Twister when its over.
Sounds Twistertastic.
WORD!!!
okay, we're out!
I never said I was out...
(Ok, but for real, we're really dumb and thought this would be amusing--and it was...I bet you wish you were having this much fun at 2:47 in the morning...)
--Morgan & Regan | | comments: Leave a comment |
| somebody that i used to know - elliott smith
i had tender feelings that you made hard
but it's your heart, not mine, that's scarred
so when i go home i'll be happy to go
you're just somebody that i used to know
you don't need my help anymore
it's all now to you, there ain't no before
now that you're big enough to run your own show
you're just somebody that i used to know
i watched you deal in a dying day
and throw the living past away
so you can be sure that you're in control
you're just somebody that i used to know
i know you don't think you did me wrong
and i can't stay this way for long
keeping ahold of what you just let go
you're just somebody that i used to know | | comments: Leave a comment |
| Elliott Smith really rocks my fucking socks off...
That was a random ass comment to sum up my completely random ass night.
McC called me yet again to get coffee with him. However, I was having coffee with the wonderful Ryan Bailey. But he did come and join us. I really can not stand the fact that he acts if nothing at all happened. ArrgH! Why does Ryan Bailey have to be right about everything and make me feel like a total piece of shit friend.
While on the subject of McC...
Christy and I had an incredibly enlightening conversation about the whole situation. And while it may be hard to do, I am going to try and not treat McC the same as I did before the whole "trash incident" (as I will now be refering to it) For some reason it is really hard for me to do so. But I do need to realize that McC hasn't really been that good of a friend to me. (as Morgan and Ryan had been trying to tell me for quite some time, but people make mistakes, right?) Because as I told Ryan, I've had as much, if not A LOT, more fun since McC and I stopped hanging out.
SO...
I feel quite foolish for not listening to my real friends. And quite disappointed in myself for not realizing any of these things until the "trash incident". So to Ryan Bailey, Morgan, and any one else that I didn't listen to...I am more sorry than you will ever know. I just feel that I wasted to much time and energy on Josh. I'm not sure if it was really worth any of it. Yeah, so that is exactly why I should definatly stop and think before I act as far as Josh is concerned.
DAMNIT!
Josh and I have had many many good times. I am sure that I will always look on those times fondly. And I feel like we really bonded at times and that he told me things that he's never told anyone. And that made me think that maybe our relationship was special. That must be why that it's so hard for me to just write him off.
But he's also done so much shit to me that I let him get away with. He fucking LIT MY HAIR ON FIRE. I have scars all over my arms from him biting me. He's made me cry on too many occasions. When he tells me something that I think he's never told anyone and he's really opening up to me, I'm not sure if he's even telling me the truth. He treats all of his "friends" like complete and total shit. He says that he can't stand "drama" yet he seems to create all of it. He has absolutely no modesty whatsoever. And he was going to totally write me off because of the people that I choose to associate with.
It's all such bullshit and I'm pissed that I worry about it as much as I do. But I'm glad that I got it all off my chest. I do feel a bit better now.
On a happier note...
I dyed my hair! I enjoy dying my hair so much. It's qutie crazy and I love it.
On a more sad note...
I dropped Sirius off at my Grandmother's house today. I hope that he will be happy with her cat. I'm sure that she will. Even those he is the spawn of satan I do love him.
But yeah, Elliott Smith rocks my fucking socks off. | | comments: Leave a comment |
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